Come- We- Stay- Marriage at 40: The Balancing Act

After talking about come-we-stay with an open mind, permission was not yet granted, but there was a possibility that my parents would not topple my imagination. I believed that agreeing to marry a man while still in university would be the most difficult challenge. I was wrong. The real challenge came after the choice was made, when the love life had to share space with lecture halls, assignments, and a tight student budget. 

Our “home” was more a patchwork than a polished start. It was a big, comfortable room with a few mismatched basic things and utensils, several cups, a souvenir cupboard [still there], and a kettle that whistled like it had a grudge. But in that small space, we felt rich. University boom! It was such a boost to our day-to-day. I could afford to share some of that money with my mum. Well, I had enough clothing to look decent. 

Despite occasional warning signs, we believed that humility and understanding would sustain us. The big picture was still on the horizon. 

[Picture courtesy of Twitter (X)]

Yet reality had its lesson plan.

There were mornings I would leave the house with my head full of class notes, but my heart weighed down by a disagreement we didn’t have time to resolve. Evenings when I returned home exhausted, I often found that supper had not yet been cooked and that the day’s frustrations were waiting for me at the door.

I quickly learnt that mapping is not a constant emotion. You chose this, even when the textbooks felt lighter than your shared duties.

Balancing marriage and school meant becoming a master of trade-offs. Occasionally, an extra hour of studying meant supper would be late. Occasionally, an afternoon cleaning and washing clothes meant an assignment submitted at the very last minute. Time was scarce. I navigated the delicate balance between my roles as a student and a wife/girlfriend, always uncertain if I was achieving perfection in either role. Trade-offs! 

But they were extended into the night, providing a valuable opportunity to reflect on each other's humility and patience. Victories too. We cooked ugali na sukuma for several days, using a desktop jiko. The most crucial encouragement came before exams. Reading, discussions, and writing assignments that sometimes extended into the night provided a valuable opportunity to reflect on each other's humility and patience. 

In those early years, I learnt that building a life with someone is not about grand gestures; it is about being there for each other, day after day, even when both of you feel tired and uncertain and are learning together.

Moving on!

Remember, I have yet to meet my father. His appointment! Urgh

What was in his mind? Many questions are in my mind. 

How long have I known this MAN? Where is the ancestral home? Where is the parents' location?

I am using my notebook for gathering answers. I am operating like a NIS student. 

#@40