Come We Stay Marriage at 40: A Jump Back

In the 40th year, certain milestones make you pause. They make you look back at where the story began. This is often at a time when you didn’t know how much courage it would take to walk the road ahead. 

This is one of those stories.

Three years into my twenties, I faced a choice.

Finish my degree first, or step into marriage now?

I chose both and learned lessons no classroom could teach me.

I was 23, in my second year of university, with books piled on my desk and dreams neatly mapped out for the years ahead. At least, that is what everyone expected. But here I was, talking about a come we stay marriage. Not in hushed whispers, not as a distant dream, but as a real plan.

Daring? Absolutely. Reckless? Some would think so. But my heart was louder than the caution in other people’s voices.

My mother was apprehensive and not sure why. My father was worried. My neighbors, well, they were caught between offering congratulations and preparing for a new round of gossip. I decided that was none of my business.

In my village, I was among the rare few girls who had made it to university[but do I say]. That meant I carried the community’s hopes, whether I liked it or not. The unwritten script was simple: finish school, get a job, then marry. Yet here I was, eager to bend the sequence. Poor choices? not sure!

"Why can’t she wait?" they would ask. But another question echoed in my own mind: Does love wait? 

For me, it was not rebellion for rebellion’s sake. It was about a choice that felt urgent, alive, and deeply personal. What I needed most in that moment was not a list of reasons to stop, but voices that believed I could balance my love life, my studies, and my dreams.

I had a plan: commit to the trial marriage, finish my degree, and step into the job market ready for life. It was not an either or choice. It was a weave , a tapestry of love, ambition, and courage, even if the threads looked mismatched to others.

[Photo Courtesy: Eng. Wangechi]

Looking back now, I realize that moment was my first real test. It took courage to stand with one foot in tradition and the other in self-determination, hoping I would not topple over. It was not easy, but it was the beginning of a journey that would stretch far beyond what my 23-year-old self could imagine.

To the young women reading this: you will face moments when love, ambition, and expectations collide. People will have opinions about your choices and these might be the loud ones. But at the end of the day, it is your life, your journey, your lessons. Make decisions that honor both your heart and your future. And remember, you are allowed to write your own script, even if it looks nothing like the one the world handed you.

#@40