The Reverse Call Generation: Parenting Worry

Some lessons on parenting arrive in books. Others come from the front seat of an Uber.”

It was an ordinary Uber ride, the kind you expect will be nothing more than a smooth trip from one point to another. But this ride turned into a rich, unexpected parenting conversation that could have stretched on for decades if time allowed.

From the moment I got into the car, my driver’s phone kept ringing. Call after call, each one answered with a calm but slightly amused tone. I smiled and teased, “You seem like a busy man today.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “It is my boys keeping me busy. They borrowed my car to travel to another county. One is in college, almost graduating, and the other is already working.”

I told him they sounded responsible enough, but he gave me a look that said there was more to the story.

“That is what you would think. But today, the car developed a very small problem, just needed brake fluid, about two hundred shillings. They could have fixed it easily. Instead, they kept reverse calling me. Even when they have airtime, it is for talking to friends, not their father.”

I asked, “So they had money?”

“Yes,” he replied with a sigh. “Their plan was to have lunch before heading home. They had the money to eat but not the willingness to spend a fraction of it to fix the car. I refused to send them anything. Eventually, they reverse called again to say they had sorted it out.”
             
Then, almost as if thinking aloud, he said, “Parents should have a decades long conversation with each other about parenting. Why would they not take a matatu in that situation? I suspect they have already called their mother to explain their problem and maybe even received money. But I would not ask her to send it. She would only ask me what I expected them to do with a broken vehicle far from home. Sometimes a mother’s wisdom is betrayed by the cunning of the children.”

We both laughed, but the conversation had touched on a deeper truth. Parenting has no manual. You cannot copy your neighbour, your cousin, or your friend. It is a journey you figure out as you go, adjusting for each child and each circumstance.

I reflected on my own parenting experiences and we agreed, children can frustrate their parents, sometimes knowingly, sometimes not. It is not always intentional. Sometimes it is habit, sometimes an assumption that parents will always step in.

As we approached my destination, the driver turned to me with a smile. “Now tell me, what is your experience with daughters?”

I laughed. “That would need another ride. Uber should let me choose the same driver next time. Our parenting conference is not over yet.”

Lesson: Children often have the means to solve their own problems, but still turn to their parents for rescue. The art of parenting lies in knowing when to step in and when to step back, because both are acts of love.

Comments

  1. Hello Loise,
    This is informative and interesting

    ReplyDelete

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